you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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