OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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