I think I won the penis lottery.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
