i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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