He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
