Me too!
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
