I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
