Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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