I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You made out with two different species that night
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
