I think i peed on brittanys purse
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
