i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
