She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
