apparently the secret to your success is patron
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You dont lie about slip and slides
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
