They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
