i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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