wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
this just has baby written all over it
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
