So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
