But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Randomize
