I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
