What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
