My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
