Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My bed smells like the plague
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
