Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
