I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
