the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
