It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
That was an excessively violent trivia night
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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