there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Still dying that you shit outside
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
