it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
