i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
