Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
