Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
