I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
