My sheets look like a crime scene.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You dont lie about slip and slides
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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