the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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