even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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