a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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