Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
