You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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