I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
