Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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