"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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