Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
