Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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