so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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