you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
she peed on how many people?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
