I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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