You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
