im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
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