I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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