Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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