it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
be right there i have to get my cape
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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