your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
