I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
