If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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