Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
