8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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