the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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