Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
