So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
