take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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