I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
