I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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