Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
