Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
